Time alone

I enjoy spending time by myself. Mostly because I have two small children that demand many of my waking hours, and when I can separate myself from them here and there, it’s a beautiful time.

Today I was lucky enough to do two beautiful things by myself. I went to Panera and ate a bowl of black bean soup, a bag of potato chips, and a drank an iced green tea. As I dined, I took note of my surroundings. Many kids. I watched mother’s wrangling their charges – carrying, chasing after, coercing them to follow, or demanding they sit down and eat.

I sat there and smiled. Not in a smug way, but in a way that made me see myself in all of those women. And then I smiled again, this time in a smug way, and I thanked fucking god that I wasn’t one of them in that moment.

After I ate, I read a chapter in Furiously Happy by Jenny Lawson. I underlined the words, “refill my creative cup,” when she talked about recharging and confronting writer’s block. I like it.

After refilling my creative cup at Panera, I went home and lounged, read some more, and dozed on the couch.

In the late afternoon my husband, mother-in-law, and kids took off for a trip to the mall, followed by dinner out. I respectively declined. As soon as they left, I wrote a little and then fluffed my hair, re-applied my lip gloss, peed, grabbed my coat, purse, journal, and book and drove to the movie theater.

Alone.

I am still not sure why I took my journal and a book – left them in the front seat, for obvious reasons – but whatever.

I saw the movie Joy. And guess what? Wait for it… I enJOYed it.

Ok, that was lame. But truly, I did.

Jennifer Lawrence is my new favorite actress and Bradley Cooper is my new favorite heart-throb. I loved them in Silver Linings Playbook, and I loved them in Joy. For many reasons, but this blog post is not a goddamn movie review.

Currently, I need to pack it in for the night. My creative cup is fuller than it was this morning. Now the dog needs let outside and my family will be home soon. Responsibilities and real life are beckoning me back to Earth.

Tonight, I am going to snuggle up with my kids at bedtime. I am going to find some favorite books and read to them with heart and soul and give them extra kisses before they fall asleep.

Afterward, I am going to hang with my husband and make him laugh at all the silly things that float around in my head, even if he acts annoyed or concerned. Because that’s what love is – laughter and annoyances and concern. And then I am going to smile and let my mother-in-law kiss me goodnight like she has done every night during her visit.

I enjoy being alone, but it’s always nice to know – I am not alone. 

One thought on “Time alone

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