In going through some papers in my office I found a giant sticky note where I listed my 2016 resolutions. All two of them.
Today was a shitty day.
This morning was fine but it went south when I started to let some negative emotions creep in after lunch. From there my mind starting flitting in all directions. I decided I needed to do something to distract myself so I thought I know, I’ll download my Christmas playlist onto my phone so I can listen to Christmas music while I go about my day.
I ended up accidentally messing up a bunch of things on my phone (not worth my energy getting into). That mishap was all it took to put me over the edge, that led me to eventually crying to a friend. The phone thing was the tipping point and set me off and left me feeling drained and unbalanced. From there more and more and more and more negative energy seeped in with regard to many aspects of my life. And what’s frustrating is that my life has been pretty smooth lately. Nonetheless I was hating on myself and saying very mean things about myself to myself. Ha.
I’ve thought a lot lately about my priorities. Besides all the normal ones like my family, my health, my sanity, etc… I’m trying to not only find what is most important to me, but to live by those things and focus on only a few priorities and limit all the other “noise” that litters our information overloaded society. (And my head).
The clock is ticking.
So much to do, so much to catch up on, so many new thoughts flooding my brain.
I’ve been in waiting for the last few weeks. Waiting until I got my kids settled in school. We’re almost there.
That means freeeeeeeeedom for me. At least a little bit.
Last night before I went to bed I toyed with the idea of making myself an ice cream sundae. I didn’t really need it, but it sounded good. I asked my husband if he wanted to have one with me. He said no. Not that that’s deterred me before, but I just had this feeling that it wasn’t the ice I was craving — it was something else.
I finally figured out what is happening to me.
I am going through an Emotional Cleanse.
It makes total sense. All the tears. All the crawling back up out of a hole, only to get pulled back down again by new unaddressed emotions could mean only one thing. I am detoxing my emotional state of mind.
I returned home this afternoon from a trip home. Which sounds weird but it isn’t. “Home” is where I was born and raised, and “home” is where I now live and am raising my kids. So you see, there are two places I call home.
In reality I know that “home” is where I live now. It’s where I am making my life and where I live with my husband and kids and dog. But in my heart, home will always be where I was born, where I made lifelong friends, and the place that I can truly relax in. It’s the place where I grew up under the same safe roof with my parents and brothers.
Despite the ups and downs, as the age-old adage goes, “You can’t escape your roots.” And I wouldn’t want to. No disappointment, sadness, confusion, heartache, or mistake will ever overpower my strong connection to my hometown.